Modern Holiday for the Modern Family

Family is family

Whether it’s the one you started out with
The one you ended up with or
The family you gain along the way…
- “Gloria”  Played by Sofia Vergara*
modern family on abc / USA

I watch TV online to catch up on episodes of my favorite shows.  One of my favorite shows is modern family because it speaks to an ever growing trend in our nation: the blended family.  I can relate with the subject matter because of my experience growing up in foster care along with my brother, JP.  and living with two different families (get Validation Denied, Grace Bestowed:somewhere between the ghetto and God was something called foster care…, iUniverse.com). We were lucky to stop at just two families…many foster children switch families more than 5 times!

What I learned over the years teaching, counseling or chaperoning young people is to accept (I even embrace) the trend, need and beauty of the blended family – folks who say “yes” to giving a child, other than their own, a chance at a better life; a chance to experience and express love.

For me, modern family is a celebration of love and today’s blended family.  Let’s be real here: children really don’t care who takes care of  them.  They don’t care about our skin tone, religion, sexual preference, hair texture (no really, too many of us spas out over this topic!), educational background, family background, status, and so on. As long as the person or family can provide the basics and a nurturing environment, children are happy campers.  And I truly wish that YOU are, too. 

Family IS Family

whether it’s the one you started out with
the one you ended up with or
the one you gain along the way

 Teen Task

1. Give yourself a chance. 2. Give thanks to those who say “yes” to dedicating their time, energy and life to your well-being….give thanks to those who accepted you with open arms….give thanks to those who love you…..even give thanks to the hatuhz, because they fuel our drive to excel beyond (their) wildest dreams! ™  3. Discuss this blog with your parents or with those you feel safe sharing your thoughts.

Fun Fact
modern family won 11 Emmy Awards, including Outstanding Comedy Series two years in a row.
Sofia Vergara - In 2001 she created "Peace and Hope for the Children of Colombia," a charity foundation that has helped thousands of children in her country and has donated a pediatric cancer pavilion in her native Barranquilla.  In 2002 Vergara was awarded the Women of Hope Award by the City of Hope Organization as one of the outstanding role models for future generations. In 2007 she was named one of The 25 Most Powerful Hispanic Women in the Entertainment Industry by The Hollywood Reporter and Billboard.  Most recently Vergara has appeared in Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns and Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail for Lionsgate, and on ABC's Dirty Sexy Money. Before that she played the sexy Colombian actress who stirred things up on Entourage, starred in Amas de Casa Desesperadas, the Latin-tailored version of Desperate Housewives, and in the FOX comedy feature Chasing Papi.

Thanks for reading.  Happy New Year!    ~ Quelyn

Copyright©2011 Quelyn Purdie

My Favorite America

I found myself surfing the net for classical music to listen to as I wrote this month’s blog for you.  I love most genres of music but when I write I prefer classical music – it helps me to express thoughts in a more coherent, soulful yet palpable way in which you can relate to your own experiences.

I came across Handel’s Hallelujah Chorus on the internet (click here http://www.getalyric.com/listen/0INu00DmYGM/handel_messiah_hallelujah).  But before I listened to this timeless masterpiece I thought I was going to write something about “how to be effectively proactive in tacking issues you and your peers face in today’s world”  or  “ways you could maximize your holiday season.” 

As I listened to the music, I came up with the idea to help you experience the holiday season on a “higher note” (pun sort of intended) and bring you something more inspiring versus the cloak of negativity we hear in the news and in our daily lives.

So I have created a list of some of my own favorite links I feel represent the courage, wisdom, intelligence, and GREATNESS of youth in America. Click. Enjoy.  Believe! 

♪ http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/video/teen-elected-mayor-small-iowa-town-14958734 Teen Mayor

♪ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P8ThREGQHc4  A Teen Film About Oil Spill

♪  http://www.jackieevancho.com/us/home 2010 America’s Got Talent  Winner

♪ http://www.baronseries.com/young-millionaires-program.htm  Handlin’ Their  “Business”! (wealth)

♪ http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Iamme_crew  2011 Americ’a Best Dance Crew’s Winner Bio.

♪....and their best routine on ABDC..… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EULif3MYRLQ&feature=related 

♪ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s0fGYKac23s&feature=related This is old but I can hear YOU in her voice TODAY!

♪ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RS82a4ElQKk  His 2011 AGT Original Audition….

♪….and now, who would have thought?  http://www.hulu.com/watch/278563/americas-got-talent-week-16-night-2

Teen Task:  1. In your journal, jot down your own favorite America list and choose one area you might contribute your time.   2. Discuss this blog with your parents or with whom you feel safe sharing your thoughts.

Thank you for reading.    ~ Quelyn

Copyright©2011 Quelyn Purdie

The Second Most Important Walk of Your Life

Remember your first steps, when you started to walk?  Did someone reach out to you and hoist you up? Or did you crawl to the table or chair or Dad’s leg and you kind of climbed, using one hand at a time until you stood, turned, wobbled a little bit, stepped left foot forward then, wobbly, your right foot…to the joyful cries of everyone around you.   And some of you watched, like a hawk, as your older siblings and playmates gleefully rip and run around the house or outside…and somehow you jumped up and not really run but quickly waddled after your elated targets for a few seconds….then plop to your knees or butt, to the joy and laughter of everyone around you.  Yes, in their eyes, you walked for the first time.

Today, as you wear the coveted cap and gown, you take your second most important walk….across the stage, that bridge to the next phase of your life.  And if you are one who lives in an area where the odds were supposed to be against you, you WON!  Congratulations!   Go on and brush your shoulders off!  (And don’t forget to thank the folks who supported your journey).

Next ‘Steps’?
Stay actively involved in shaping your future.  Of course have some fun but don’t settle as a “drifter” through life.  Drifters just float through life and watch things happen instead of making things happen.  You’re about to get your diploma or have just graduated high school – you ARE great.  So have the audacity to continue the journey towards a better life for yourself.  Here’s a checklist of things you should consider or already be doing:

1. If you are heading straight to college, congratulations! Hopefully you have some idea about what to expect in college; if not chat with those who have graduated college.  I had a ball in college; it was a tad bumpy at first but my friends put me in check…and I graduated.  You, too, will make new friends and establish a professional network of support. Have fun but stay focused – even when things get a little tough – stay focused.  Do whatever it takes to make your third most important walk of your life!

2. If you have chosen not to go to college, at least for now, and you already know what your talent/passion/purpose is you can still take steps toward fulfilling your goals.  Continue to seek professional guidance – ask to speak with an advisor at the career center in your community, attend career fairs in your area,  or if you know someone who is already doing what you would like to pursue, ask them for guidance, an internship or the opportunity to work with them.

3. If you are unsure about what your talent or passion is, it is truly ok….for now.   Just look at this moment as an incredible opportunity to BEGIN to discover your purpose.  Continue to contemplate:  Who am I? What do I want out of life?  What is my purpose for being here (in this life)? What is my talent – how do I want to contribute to humanity?  In the meantime….

4. Find employment.  Having a job shows maturity, responsibility, discipline and drive.  Whether you find work in your chosen field of interest (even if it is an internship), or a job at the community center, movie theater, grocery store, pet shop, department store, restaurant, park, day care center, hospital, the community pool/day camp, the key is to get work experience.  Don’t forget to keep a log as you gain work experience - name of employer, address, phone number, your title, duties; your log will help you in building a solid resume and job references.  Briefly, be open to learn from your employers and co-workers, respect guidelines for conduct, have a team mentality, work to the best of your ability and you should have no problem securing viable references!

I have to interject: Please do not have the ‘it’s just a paycheck’ mentality.  You are providing a service and should be paid based for your performance. If you must quit a job, try to do it with integrity and grace….don’t ‘burn bridges’ (unless of course the relationship was absolutely disgusting and abusive). Your experience will haunt you and affect every job you take on, unless you somehow make peace with the past situation. 

5.  Last but not least, open a bank account…. And save!  We really do not want you to inherit today’s debt…in your future!  We want you to be able to take care of yourself regardless of the times.

Teen Task:  1. See June 2010 blog for summer safety tips.  2. Discuss this blog with your parents or with those you feel safe sharing your thoughts.

 Q’s B-Spot Returns in the Fall…..Have a Fabulous and Safe Summer!

~ Quelyn

Copyright©2011 Quelyn Purdie

A Beyond Labelz(TM) Special "About Us" Update

We thought it would be a good idea to do a quick "station identification" and give our supporters and YOU an updated "About Us".... as our website, www.beyondlabelz.com, undergoes a fresh and exciting makeover.

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BEYONDLABELZ™.COM is designed to engage teen visitors in an innovative, fun and interactive experience that will inspire self-love, courage, and quest for learning. It aims to evoke healthy and appropriate action over labels and stereotypes teens face in their daily lives. Our definition of the term “label” is: a word or phrase used to describe or identify the recipient with the intention to harm the recipient.

Quelyn Purdie, entrepreneur, educator, author and producer, founded BEYONDLABELZ™ in 2007 in response to the alarming increase in bullying and fatality amongst youth.

The mission of  BEYONDLABELZ™ is to inspire teenagers to develop an individual and collective intention to 1) be judged by how they handle adversity and not by their physical appearance and 2) become highly innovative contributors to the advancement of humanity and our planet through their passion or talent.

Quelyn’s work as an educator for over 20 years includes teaching at The Bridges Juvenile Center (formerly known as Spofford Juvenile Detention) in Bronx, New York, substitute teaching in New York City schools and serving as a caseworker for teens living in foster care. She was also volunteer advocate with CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocates for youth in foster care) New York City.

As an entrepreneur, author and producer Quelyn provides tutoring for at-risk students in her community. She wrote her memoir, Validation Denied, Grace Bestowed:somewhere between the ghetto and God was something called foster care… which is a portrait about a teenager's struggle to defy the labels and stereotypes of living in foster care. Quelyn also executive produced and directed The Task, a short film that won Best Short at the 2007 Philadelphia Film Festival.

Quelyn holds a B.A. in Communication Studies from SUNY at Oswego and will pursue an MBA in New York City.

 

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Thank you very much for taking the time to read the update.  We will keep you posted on our exciting progress!   Now back to our regularly scheduled May Blog, below.

~ Quelyn

Order Validation Denied, Grace Bestoweed online at

 iUniverse, Inc (www.iuniverse.com), Amazon.com, BN.com or wherever books are sold.

Ace The Finals: Making It Happen, Together

Congratulations! You made it to the finish line – can’t leap over it just yet  BUT, you are all right there, together, to ace the finals!  Oh he tried to quit; she was going to give up....but the crew was not hearin' it.  'Cause you all came too far to stop now, right?

So, what to do, at this point?  Study….. together.  Sometimes we need cheerleaders in our corner to release some ot the stress of test-taking.  Whether it's comic relief or just being in each other's intellectual company, we need support.  Besides, unless you were absent most of the school year or just not paying attention in class, you shouldn’t have much to worry about.  Actually, at this point in the ‘game’, you should really be reviewing…not cramming, or doing intense studying.

Here are a few tips to ease the anxiety of taking your upcoming finals:

♪Study Together – at least a few times. Everyone could use a cheerleader in their corner.  Plus, it helps to hear the insight from others who are doing well in the subject you are studying.  Go to a park, Star Bucks®, someone’s home and have ice tea (no not the alcohol version!), review and enjoy your company!

♪Surf The 'Net – I tutor students in my spare time and I can’t tell you how helpful AND fun it is to research a topic on the internet, especially when the student and I come across videos that explain the subject better.  Example:  Need a refresher on graphing quadratic equations?  Click here for video! http://www.mathexpression.com/graphing-quadratic-equations.html  Check out this link on cloning and learn about other cellular activity!  http://www.sciencekids.co.nz/videos/biology/cloning.html

♪Attack! - embrace the challenge.  YOU take the test, don't let it "take you"!  Now of course you’re going to experience ‘butterflies’ which is great because it humbles you and makes you want to bring your A game.  So IF you completed all of your assignments and have been performing well (80’s and above) on chapter tests, quizzes, etc. and you participated in class, you shouldn’t have much to worry about.  The finals are a culmination of what you were taught (hopefully) and learned (hopefully) during the school year.  Were you paying attention?

♪Set A Score Goal – and visualize that score on your exams.  Be realistic, though. For most of high school I was on the honor roll (except in math even though I loved it.  I was good in algebra; geometry was another story). So, I had set a score goal of 85 and above in all regents classes and performed well, except for geometry.  I had set a goal of about 70/75. I got a circle-65 (a 65 with a circle around it).  This means I passed by a 'breath'.  I had attended my teacher's extra study session (which I highly recommend as you will see below) where he drilled us on the formulas/theorems of geometric figures.  One of the problems was on the test, I believe it was a triangle, and I knew exactly how to solve the problem.  To this day, though, I feel I could've aimed higher, like 85!

♪Special Study Periods or Sessions With Teachers – GO!  Look, most (great) teachers could give a ‘rat’s tail’ about whether or not you like them.  They just want you to excel.  So when your teacher/s offer extra study sessions, GO!

Besides, if you do like your teachers, why not spend the extra time with them?  They may not be back next year….on the other hand, if they’ve been really good (and you all haven’t gotten on their last nerve LOL), they just might be back!

Ace the finals.....together.

Next On Q’s B-Spot:  The Second Most Important (and Proudest) Walk Of Your Life

Teen Task

1. Give yourself a chance.  2. Discuss this blog with your parents or with those you feel safe sharing your thoughts.
 
Read our special updated Beyond Labelz(TM) "About Us" on Q's B Spot, available NOW.

Thank you,
~ Quelyn, www.beyondlabelz.com
 

Copyright©2011 Quelyn Purdie

No.......Yes!

“It’s not that they don’t want to learn, can’t learn or too trifling to seek a better life for themselves…the problem is, they’ve experienced so much distrust and instability – NO’s - in their lives, they give up; and that’s where the attitude comes from”, I’d argue, on behalf of our troubled teens when I chat especially with members of the public. They think (way too many of you) “won’t amount to anything” as the saying goes.


Recently a co-worker and I had a conversation about why today’s teen seems to ‘have an attitude’. I stated that I used to have an attitude, growing up in foster care, and carried my attitude into college and young adulthood (I will share how I learned how to deal with NO in a few moments). Anyway, I told my co-worker about how my social worker would routinely setup family visits for me and my brother to see my biological mother, NEVER showed up. No matter the reason it was still a big fat NO. “What was I supposed to do with that?” I asked my co-worker, rhetorically.

Now, I’m not talking about the “no’s” your teacher says when you ask to use the restroom (but really just want to get out of class) or when your parents say “no” to your request to go to the party because of a bad report card, or when your friend takes your car keys instead of letting you drive home drunk. And who hasn’t experienced their enemies or hatuhz saying “you can’t” or “you’re just not good enough”? Note: the intention behind a negative response is what makes the difference between encouragement and hurt.

Here’s another real-life example of “no” I experienced as a little girl who lived with her brother and grandmother, in a beautiful Brooklyn brownstone. Even though I truly believe the intent of the “no” was harmless, the delivery still cut like a knife:

        I was upstairs playing when grandma called me downstairs to the kitchen. Daddy was there, looking sad. I knew this time he wasn’t going to say something to make me feel as though I’d be meeting God in person. Daddy gingerly sat me on his lap. I thought what he was about to say had something to do with grandma, but definitely not me. Basically, he said that grandma was ill and could not take care of me anymore and that I would stay with “someone else” until he could come for me. my face looked like a reflection of his, although there were no tears. I guess I was too shocked to be emotional at the time.

I promised to tell you how I deal with no’s now, right? So fast forward to a few decades later, after college and finally returning to New York City as a young adult woman. I attended a rare event in Manhattan. The speaker, a world-renown meditation master, spoke about self-love. As I grew to accept and love myself I was able to forgive my past. I no longer sought validation from others and I learned to say “yes” to MYSELF FIRST. I learned to give myself a chance FIRST. Even today, when I feel let down or I experience a “no” I resolve to keep it movin’. Of course sometimes I felt disappointed but I don’t allow myself to stay in that state of mind. Understand?


So even though my biological mother said “no” to her duties as a parent, my foster family said “yes”. I was given a second chance to grow into a productive woman. No’s have produced the greatest amongst us. The next time someone say’s “no” to you, don’t trip. Really. You don’t need the drama….unless you’re a drama queen…but most of us can go without the habit – no what I mean?

Believe in your own greatness. Give YOURSELF a chance. Your positive energy will not only attract more yes’s you could ever dream of but you will develop the strength to know who you could trust to guide you in the right direction.

Today, I’d love to be able to sit on Daddy’s lap so he could see the YES I’ve become. But I know in spirit, he’s proud of me.

Teen Task: Discuss this blog with your parents or with those you feel safe sharing your thoughts.
Fun Fact: Quelyn is author of memoir, Validation Denied, Grace Bestowed:somewhere between the ghetto and God was something called foster care….

Thank you for reading. ~ Quelyn

Copyright©2011 Quelyn Purdie

Tha Nerve of You....

.....to raise your hand to answer that question
(do you even KNOW the right answer?!)
there are no books, just handouts, remember?!!

ceilings got psoriasis
toilets are broken, doors falling off
and you sit there plottin’ quads on
the x and y axis
you ain’t ashamed of all this?!


you’ve got some nerve!
who told YOU to
suggest the auditorium
for classes
like college
to educate the masses?

we’re squished like gumballs in a bubble
how dare you have study parties at
your place, Starbucks® or meet at the NYPL
…then ace the test the next day?!
you make me sick!

no more music or dance classes or
supplies for art
and never mind prom night, or a decent celebration
you’ve got the audacity
to mastermind a fundraiser; all hail the inspiration!

oh, and i guess you now have
a ‘respectful and supportive’ relationship
with your teachers, huh?
tee-hee-hee-hee….better late than nevah!

for real though, i heard
they may not be back next year
(after years of serving the largest school system In the
U
ny
ted
States of
America)

but the ‘cuts ain’t got nothin’ on you
‘walkin’ across that stage™
pretty soon
in June

hey, wait up! what should i tell
class of 2012?


Fun Fact: The New York City public school system is the largest in the US.


Thank you for reading.   ~Quelyn
 
Copyright©2011 Quelyn Purdie

Ordinarily Extraordinary

Ordinary – common, average, routine, usual
Extraordinary – amazing, exceptional, special, incomparable

We all have something in common: we breathe the same air, we eat, sleep, drink, blink our eyes, we laugh, cry, walk and talk. We were born from another human being. ‘Common’ is good because it gives a sense of togetherness, solidarity, relationship. We need these factors of life to survive. ‘So (why) isn’t that enough’ you ask? No really, I have heard people, especially young students like you, who want to do just enough to “pass” and live a “normal” life. Ok, this would be fine except….

….. too many of us who choose or have chosen to settle for ‘ordinary’ have become envious of those who recognize that there is something more to them, and strive to express the “extraordinariness” inside.

All of us – regardless of financial status, culture, skin tone, family background, gender - have that extraordinary gift or talent to share with others. Furthermore, I think you and I can agree there are countless stories of (ordinary or common) human beings who do extraordinary things. I am thrilled we can easily name three; go ahead, name three…wasn’t that easy?

And if we examined those we feel are extraordinary, we would discover a few things they have in common: 1) clarity of personal talent and purpose 2) they don’t quit, they give themselves a chance 3) they don’t waste your time 4) they produce results 5) others say they’re great. Extraordinary people also seem to be happy, don’t they?

Give Yourself A Chance
One of my passions is teaching. I believe that teachers along with parents are the most powerful external sources of education and human transformation. I teach middle school and high school students here in New York City and I tutor students in my community. Through several decades of teaching I have sharpened my skills and learned so much about myself as a teacher. Many times I was challenged by students in ways that would make others quit. But time and again I’d give myself a chance because I believe in my talent and I believe in the intelligence and greatness of youth.

According to others, I am really good at what I do. I’m best known, amongst clients and others who know me, as an educator. I’m also an entrepreneur, author and filmmaker (who is starving to direct another project!), but those things came years later.

The point is, the moment you give yourself a chance, not only will you attract the support you need but you will have blown the lid off your inner extraordinary just waiting to express itself for you. It’s never too late and you are definitely not too young! So how can we start the path of extraordinariness?


Teen Task
1. Give yourself a chance. 2. Jot down about 2 or 3 things about yourself that you feel make you extraordinary. For example; “I’m an extraordinary (dancer, math student, peer counselor, etc)” 3. Give examples of why you feel you are extraordinary, for example “I’m an extraordinary math student because I get 90’s and above in math; I’m on the honor roll, I tutor/help my classmates who ask for my help. 4. Discuss this blog with your parents or with those you feel safe sharing your thoughts.


Fun Fact: I first heard the phrase “give yourself a chance” from Tiger Woods who would use the phrase to describe the mental stamina and persistence necessary to win or excel. Such a simple phrase from an extraordinary human being.


Thank you for reading.     ~ Quelyn

Copyright©2011 Quelyn Purdie