Next Steps

Congratulations!  You did it - you put in the time and work to walk across that stage!™  YOU are a bona fide high school graduate! 

“Now what?” you ask.  Well, ideally, by now, you should already be engaged in at least 1 of the following: 1. Packing for college or, if a local campus, making arrangements to register for classes  2. Starting a job  or  3. Engaging in the business venture you were dreaming about for the past year or so.

A Word About College:  Go for it! Don’t worry about the money, you will find the funds.  If you have even an inkling of desire to go to college, do it.   I had a ball in college but more importantly, it gave me the professional skills necessary to negotiate work and whatever I needed in life.  Being in college gave me a higher level of social skills necessary to establish meaningful friendships and networks of support.

Don’t get me wrong; college wasn’t always easy - especially the social part…and the freezing cold weather, although the campus (SUNY Oswego) is absolutely gorgeous - but I did learn and I remained focused on getting my degree.  (p. 33, Validation Denied Grace Bestowed)

And let me tell you…the walk across the collegiate stage is a most exhilarating, magical feeling of accomplishment because you feel a sense of being an even greater possibility for those who WILL BE, interested in what you have to offer! 

Still no plans?  Nothing?  No problem. Stay involved in shaping your future, though.

If you have chosen not to go to college, at least for now, and you already know what your talent/passion/purpose is….

1. Do it AND continue to seek professional guidance – speak with an advisor at the career center in your community, attend career fairs in your area, or if you know someone who is already doing what you would like to pursue, ask them for guidance, an internship or the opportunity to work with them.

2. If you are still unsure about what your talent or passion is, look at this moment as an incredible opportunity to BEGIN to discover your purpose. Contemplate AND JOURNAL your answers to the following questions: Who am I?  What is my talent? How do I want to contribute my gift to humanity? Also, chat with an advisor at the career center in your community and attend career fairs in your area. In the meantime….

3. Find employment. Having a job shows maturity, responsibility, discipline and drive. Furthermore, working is a great way to help clarify your dream and goals!

Whether you find work in your chosen field of interest (even if it is an internship), or a job at the community center, movie theater, grocery store, pet shop, department store, restaurant, park, day care center, tech store, social media, music shop, hospital, airport, your own business venture, museum, arts organization, the community pool/day camp, the key is to get work experience.

Don’t forget to keep a log as you gain experience - name of employer, address, phone number, your title, duties, your supervisor’s name and title.  Your log will help you to build a solid resume and job references. Be open to learn from your employers and co-workers, respect guidelines for conduct, have a “team” mentality, work to the best of your ability and you should have no problem securing viable references!

I have to interject: Please do not have the ‘it’s just a paycheck’ mentality. You are providing a service and should be paid for your performance.  Furthermore you will begin to establish meaningful friendships and more importantly, references – supervisors and others who can give an objective opinion about your character, performance and work ethic.  You will probably be asked for references throughout your life, depending on what you desire to pursue, i.e., a better job or things you want to own, i.e. a car, home, boat or something else of value.

4. Open a bank account. Ever heard the phrase “pay yourself first”? It means to SAVE.
We really do not want you to inherit today’s debt…in YOUR future! We want you to be able to take care of yourself regardless of the times.

No matter what….Stay actively involved in shaping your future. Continue the journey towards your best life.

Teen Task: 1. Give yourself a chance.  2. Journal your ideas and thoughts.  3. Discuss this blog with your parents.

Q’s B-Spot Returns in the Fall. Have a Fabulous and Safe Summer!                                   

Thank you for reading. 

 ~Quelyn, Author of
Validation Denied Grace Bestowed:somewhere between the ghetto and God was something called foster care...

FOR APPEARANCES, BOOK SIGNINGS & TALKS CONTACT US AT:

thebutterflytour@aol.com

Validation Denied Grace Bestowed is available everywhere and at:

www.iUniverse.com

(812) 330-2909  or  (800) 288-4677

Copyright©2013 Quelyn Purdie

Believe

waitin on line at a health food store
(what?! i like the healthy “sizzurp”!)*
in a can or soda bottle tinted

read a magazine saw an ad for Sprint®

it said “I Am Unlimited”

my light shines low but it don’t go out

it dont go out no it don’t go out
my light shines low but it don’t go out
make my hatuhz stomp & shout

came outside saw a dude
with meat all over his apron
his North Face® so dirty was rude
spittin rhymes to his cell
(for an agent a rep or a label?)
the air became smoke provin him able

my light shines low but it don’t go out

it dont go out no it don’t go out
my light shines low but it don’t go out
make my hatuhz stomp & shout

on the d train headin north

she was reading biology
bout to graduate go to college
said she gonna do psychology

life aint but a dream they say

but my hatuz, doubters and naysayers
 ______ my senses eh vah ree day

                mirror mirror on the wall

            do I hate, doubt and negate
            MYSELF at all?

got to my building

said hello to Miss Sing from 3C
turned the key to 3B what did I see? Dad

grinning ear to ear

had my SAT score in his hand
hugged, no, squeezed me near!

my light shines low but it don’t go out

it dont go out no it don’t go out
my light shines low but it don’t go out

made my hatuhz stomp & shout!

 

Teen Task: 1.Give yourself a chance  2. Journal your thoughts about the poem, Believe  3. Discuss Believe with your parents.

*Health food stores carry natural sodas…sodas without chemicals and dyes and sweetened with cane sugar, agave (from the plant)  or other natural sources. Popular brands include Zevia, 365 by Whole Foods Markets, Boylan and my personal favorite Knudsen Spritzers – comes in cola, orange, lemon/lime, even cherry flavors!  AND you can party and enjoy good company….CONSCIOUSLY!

Regular Sizzurp, or “purple drank”, on the other hand, is a dangerous prescription-strength cough-syrup-laced concoction which which is mixed with soda and candy for extra sweetness - . and includes promethazine a depressant of the central nervous system, and codeine, an opiate, the same family of drugs as heroin and morphine. Promethazine has been noted to intensify the euphoric effects of codeine in the brain.  So the “purple drank” gets its name from the dyes in the cough syrup.

Thank you for reading.  beyondLlabelz™ - “excel beyond your hatuhz wildest dreams” ™ t shirts coming soon!
 
~Quelyn, Author of
Validation Denied Grace Bestowed:somewhere between the ghetto and God was something called foster care...

FOR APPEARANCES, BOOK SIGNINGS & TALKS CONTACT:

The Butterfly Book Tour™Team / beyondlabelz@yahoo.com

www.iUniverse.com

(812)330-2909 or (800) 288-4677

 

Copyright©2013 Quelyn Purdie

I candy

I watched the Grammys® last week and a thought occurred to me, during Drake’s Red Carpet interview, amidst background cheers: ‘If only (we) knew what it really takes to be Drake….or Justin Timerberlake, Beyonce, Rihanna ….or twin performers Tegan and Sara!  Alright it does take an awesome team to have our favorite artists show up for interviews or to give a fabulous concert.  But all of us have to show up and “perform” on the real stage that is life, even when we think there is no human team or ‘cheerleaders’ in our corner. 

You see, we have an inner team which includes spirit, health and our incredible mind, all of which allows us to open our eyes, yawn and rise every single morning, for yet another opportunity to express the greatness, intelligence and love that are a part of our true nature…..regardless of whether or not others believe in us or even care.

The passage below is an excerpt from my book, which describes a magical event that happened in my life as a young woman.  I had come face to face with a living meditation master, whose wisdom lit a path towards full acceptance and love of myself vs the need to expect others to accept my (expression of) love:

In summer 1986 I was invited to attend a meditation program held at Manhattan Center, downtown Manhattan.  I arrived just in time to hear the last thirty or so minutes of the talk by a world-renown meditation master.  She told a beautiful story about how we tend to impose our love onto others and expect them to accept it. 

 

When the truth hits, either you surrender to it or you fight – and continue to look like a fool.  I sat there, in the packed hall and

sobbed like a child
who watched her sand castle
dissolve
under the weight of a
truth unknown.
i flew out of my own hell so fast
i didn’t have time to
think, analyze, conceptualize
nor theorize how i was released.
i was released from myself
to my Self.
- p. 55, Validation Denied Grace Bestowed:somewhere between  the ghetto and God was something called foster care…

Maybe one day, in the not-too-distant future, artists will be able to just rise out of bed and jump right into their performance, all made up, looking gorgeous and, somehow, I guess through advanced technology, give a spectacular concert…without ever leaving their home, hotel, or wherever they might be!  BUT what will probably remain the same is

the beautiful fact that
we’d all still have to
open our eyes
and rise

For me, everyday is a time when I can buy a box of chocolates (or other vegan goody) for myself - and of course gladly receive a gift from a date or friend! - or enjoy learning something new, marvel at the intelligence of nature, tutor children In the New York City community, give myself a nice, hot bath, say/email/text/think “I love you” to a friend, watch one or more of my favorite shows (I watch tv online), write a blog – ahem! – and more.

I candy.  I think you get it ☻

Teen Task: 1.Give yourself a chance  2. Journal your thoughts and response about the I candy  blog  3. Discuss I candy with your parents

Thank you for reading.     - Quelyn

 FOR APPEARANCES, BOOK SIGNINGS & TALKS CONTACT:

The Butterfly Book Tour™Team / beyondlabelz@yahoo.com

Validation Denied Grace Bestowed is available at

iUniverse.com, (812)330-2909 or (800) 288-4677

.....and bookstores everywhere!

 

Copyright©2013 Quelyn Purdie

 

The Second Most Important Walk of Your Life

Remember your first steps, when you began walk? Did someone reach out to you and hoist you up? Or did you crawl to the table or chair or Dad’s leg and climbed one hand at a time, with a twinkle of ambition in your eyes?  Finally, you stood, turned, wobbled a little bit, stepped left foot forward then, wobbly, your right foot…to the joyful cries of everyone around you.

And some of you watched, like a hawk, as your older siblings and playmates gleefully ran around the house or outside…and somehow you jumped up and not really run but quickly waddled after your elated targets for a few seconds….then plop to your knees or butt…to the joy and laughter of everyone around you.

Yes, in their eyes, you walked for the first time.

Today, as you wear the coveted cap and gown, you take your second most important walk….across the stage, that bridge to the next phase of your life.  And if you are one who lives in an area where the odds were supposed to be against you, you WON!  Congratulations!   Go on and brush your shoulders off!  (And don’t forget to thank the folks who supported your journey).

Next ‘Steps’?
Stay actively involved in shaping your future.  Of course have some fun but don’t settle as a “drifter” through life.  Drifters just float through life and watch things happen instead of making things happen. You’re about to get your diploma or have just graduated high school – you ARE great.  So have the audacity to continue the journey towards a better life for yourself.  Here’s a checklist of things you should consider or already be doing:

1. If you are heading straight to college, congratulations! Hopefully you have some idea about what to expect in college.  I had a ball in college; it was a tad bumpy at first but my friends put me in check…and I graduated.  You, too, will make new friends and establish a professional network of support. Have fun but stay focused – even when things get a little tough – stay focused.  Do whatever it takes to make it to your third most important walk of your life!

2. If you have chosen not to go to college, at least for now, and you already know what your talent/passion/purpose is, you can still take steps toward fulfilling your goals.  Continue to seek professional guidance – ask to speak with an advisor at the career center in your community, attend career fairs in your area,  or if you know someone who is already doing what you would like to pursue, ask them for guidance, an internship or the opportunity to work with them.

3. If you are unsure about what your talent or passion is, it is truly ok….for now.   Just look at this moment as an incredible opportunity to BEGIN to discover your purpose.  Continue to contemplate:  Who am I? What do I want out of life?  What is my purpose for being here (in this life)? What is my talent – how do I want to contribute to humanity?  In the meantime….

4. Find employment.  Having a job shows maturity, responsibility, discipline and drive.  Whether you find work in your chosen field of interest (even if it is an internship), or a job at the community center, movie theater, grocery store, pet shop, department store, restaurant, park, day care center, hospital, the community pool/day camp, the key is to get work experience.

Don’t forget to keep a log as you gain  experience - name of employer, address, phone number, your title, duties; your log will help you to build a solid resume and job references.  Briefly, be open to learn from your employers and co-workers, respect guidelines for conduct, have a “team” mentality, work to the best of your ability and you should have no problem securing viable references!

I have to interject: Please do not have the ‘it’s just a paycheck’ mentality.  You are providing a service and should be paid based for your performance. If you must quit a job, try to do it with integrity and grace….don’t ‘burn bridges’ (unless of course the job was abusive and absolutely disgusting). Your experience could affect future employment.

5.  Last but not least, open a bank account…. And save!  We really do not want you to inherit today’s debt…in your future!  We want you to be able to take care of yourself regardless of the times.

Teen Task:  1. Give yourself a chance   2. Journal your thoughts to questions in step #3 above.  3. See June 2010 blog for summer safety tips.  4. Discuss this blog with your parents or with those you feel safe sharing your thoughts.

Q’s B-Spot Returns in the Fall…..Have a Fabulous and Safe Summer!

- Quelyn
 

FOR APPEARANCES, BOOK SIGNINGS & TALKS CONTACT:

The Butterfly Book Tour™Team / beyondlabelz@yahoo.com

Validation Denied Grace Bestowed is available at

iUniverse.com, (812)330-2909 or (800) 288-4677

.....and bookstores everywhere!

Copyright©2012 Quelyn Purdie

Ace The Finals (Make It Happen...Together)

Congratulations! You made it to the finish line – can’t leap over it just yet BUT, you are all right there, together, to ace the finals! ‘Oh he tried to quit’; ‘she was going to give up’....but the crew was just not hearin' it...because you all came too far to stop now, right?

So, what to do at this point? Study….. TOGETHER.

Sometimes we need cheerleaders in our corner to release some ot the stress of test-taking. Whether it's comic relief or just being in each other's intellectual company, we need support. Besides, unless you were absent most of the school year or just not paying attention in class, you shouldn’t have much to worry about. Actually, at this point in the ‘game’, you should really be reviewing…not cramming, or doing intense studying.

Here are a few tips to ease the anxiety of taking your finals or Regents exams:

♪Study Together – at least a few times. Everyone could use a cheerleader in their corner. Plus, it helps to hear the insight from others who are doing well in the subject you are studying. Go to a park, Star Bucks®, someone’s home and have ice tea (no not the alcohol version!), review and enjoy your company!

♪Surf The 'Net – I tutor students in my spare time and I can’t tell you how helpful AND fun it is to research a topic on the internet, especially when the student and I come across videos that explain the subject better. Example: Need a refresher on graphing quadratic equations? Click here for video! http://www.mathtv.com/videos_by_topic   Check out this link on cloning and learn about other cellular activity!  http://www.sciencekids.co.nz/videos/biology/cloning.html

♪Attack! - embrace the challenge. YOU take the test, don't let it "take you"! Now of course you’re going to experience ‘butterflies’ which is great because it humbles you and makes you want to bring your A game. So IF you completed all of your assignments and have been performing well (80’s and above) on chapter tests, quizzes, etc. and you participated in class, you shouldn’t have much to worry about. The finals are a culmination of what you were taught (hopefully) and learned (hopefully) during the school year. Were you paying attention?

♪Set A Score Goal – and visualize that score on your exams. Be realistic, though. For most of high school I was on the honor roll (except in math even though I loved it. I was good in algebra; geometry was another story). So, I had set a score goal of 85 and above in all regents classes and performed well, except for geometry. I had set a goal of about 70/75. I got a circle-65 (a 65 with a circle around it). This means I passed by a 'breath'. I had attended my teacher's extra study session (which I highly recommend as you will see below) where he drilled us on the formulas/theorems of geometric figures. One of the problems was on the test, I believe it was a triangle, and I knew exactly how to solve the problem. To this day, though, I feel I could've aimed higher, like an 85!

♪Special Study Periods or Sessions With Teachers – GO! Look, most (great) teachers could give a ‘rat’s tail’ about whether or not you like them. They just want you to excel. So when your teacher/s offer extra study sessions, GO!  Besides, if you do like your teachers, why not spend the extra time with them?

Ace the finals.....together.

 Next On Q’s B-Spot: The 2nd Most Important Walk Of Your Life

Teen Task:

1. Give yourself a chance. 2. Discuss this blog with your parents or with those you feel safe sharing your thoughts.


~ Quelyn, Author of Validation Denied Grace Bestowed

FOR APPEARANCES, BOOK SIGNINGS & TALKS CONTACT:

The Butterfly Book Tour™Team / beyondlabelz@yahoo.com

Validation Denied Grace Bestowed is available at

iUniverse.com, (812)330-2909 or (800) 288-4677

….and bookstores everywhere!

 

Copyright©2012 Quelyn Purdie

The Coolest Thing About Being Cool

In order to maintain whatever sanity I could find within myself, I tried to divert attention away from my foster shadow by creating a different identity; one that would make classmates and friends think that I was ok, normal, fun to be with.  I would also try to fit in with students who were smart but popular. They had to be smart because I was smart; having made the honor rolls in Algebra, English and Science in jr. high and high school….

- Validation Denied, Grace Bestowed:somewhere between the ghetto and God was something called foster care..... p. 26

               

Vickie was voted prom queen. She had beauty, brains and was very popular in high school.  Vickie loved people. We became friends when we worked together one summer at a neighborhood community center.  Vickie was one of the few people ma and dad allowed me to hang with.  So I hung out wither her hoping to discover her winning formula.  I was surprised Vickie let me hang with her sometimes and she never disrespected me.  The best thing I liked about Vickie was she never viewed me as a foster child. She simply saw me as a friend or  hangin’ buddy…

- Validation Denied, Grace Bestowed:somewhere between the ghetto and God was something called foster care..... p. 30

And then there was Marlene. Marlene had an older sister, Carolyn, who were both beautiful.  Marlene had a cleft lip but the way she dealt with it was as though it didn’t exist…and she was hot AND smart!  (No, I’m not gay and I have nothing against sexually unique people*).  Their parents - mom was German and dad was African-American – were good people.  You could see their family pool and chat with them over the fence.  Carolyn and I were about the same age but I adored Marlene even though she was a few years younger than me.  Carolyn was smart but a little to classy or prissy for me; our conversations always seemed to be laborious so I’d just keep our conversations short and to the point; then I’d ask if Marlene was home. 

As the saying goes, ‘If it don’t fit, don’t force it’!  We create our own problems when we try to fit in with folks we know good and well could give a rat’s tail about us. They give all kinds of warnings or hints that we are not welcomed but we think: ‘if I could just make them understand me’  or  ‘maybe if I lose weight, get a tan, crack jokes about the opposition, lighten my skin and/or  fix my nose, ears, butt, wear a weave, etc, etc, (I’d experience a special sense of belonging, acceptance and….validation) ’.  No, no, no, no!  

Celebrate YOURSELF first.  Learn from your mistakes, grow from your limitations WHILE you celebrate your strengths.  You will attract people who  1) respect your parents/family and others you care about  2) love you  3) enjoy your company  4) respect you  5) tell you the truth but won’t hurt your spirit  6) won’t allow others to @%&$! with you  7) won’t allow you to @#%&$ with others  9) won’t let you fall and stay there  10) will support your endeavors if they can, the best way they can.

BTW:  “Celebrate” means to accept your uniqueness or strengths with an unapologetic joy. 

My friends accepted me as I was: they didn’t care that I lived in foster care, they didn’t care about my complexion, hair texture nor how I was dressed. They were only concerned about my well-being and happiness (and I made sure to not be a pain in the butt).  I always felt a sense of cool through being smart, honest and confidential.  To this day, people tell me things (sometimes too much info) because they sense that their secret is safe with me.  I am a fabulous confidante….and that’s one of the coolest things I love about myself ;-)

So, the coolest thing about being cool?   A celebration of YOURself.

Teen Task: 1. Give yourself a chance. 2. Jot down 3 things YOU feel makes YOU “cool” 3. Take another look at your circle of friends.  Ask yourself:  Do they respect me?(Are we respectful of one another?) Do they respect my parents, family and those I care about?  Do they respect my feelings and beliefs? Do they support my personal growth as a student and human being?  Do we really have fun together?(without being loud and destructive?)  4. Discuss this blog with your parents or with those you feel safe sharing your thoughts.

Fun Fact: *I prefer to use "sexually unique" vs.  the labels “gay”, “lesbian”, “queer”, “transgender”, “freak”.  Sexually unique.  You saw it first on Qs B-Spot!

Thanks for reading.  

- Quelyn, Author of Validation Denied Grace Bestowed

FOR APPEARANCES, BOOK SIGNINGS & TALKS CONTACT:

The Butterfly Book Tour™Team / beyondlabelz@yahoo.com

Validation Denied Grace Bestowed is available at

iUniverse.com, (812)330-2909 or (800) 288-4677

….and bookstores everywhere!

Copyright©2012 Quelyn Purdie